


Splat, Contain, Protect deleted scene

by thepandemicwillend



Series: Splatoon Against the Multiverse extras [1]
Category: SCP Foundation, Splatoon
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-25
Updated: 2020-07-25
Packaged: 2021-03-06 04:28:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 939
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25517290
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thepandemicwillend/pseuds/thepandemicwillend
Summary: I wrote this for chapter 35 of Splat, Contain, Protect, but realized it didn't quite fit. I liked how I wrote it though, so here it is.
Series: Splatoon Against the Multiverse extras [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2025455
Kudos: 1





	Splat, Contain, Protect deleted scene

Bobble the Clown(season 1, episode 26: Bobble’s cephalopod shenanigans!)

“Hiya kids! It’s me, your old pal Bobble the clown!” A clown with a painted-on face addressed the audience he could see through the screen. “Oh, that’s right. You’ve never seen me in this dimension, have you? Oh, how silly of me. I suppose I should introduce myself. My name is Bobble the clown, but you kids can just call me Bobble. I want to be your very best friend in the whole wide world, and the way I see it, the best way to do that is to teach you all about this crazy world of ours. Or, I suppose, of yours. Now, in honor of our first season finale, I can think of nothing better than to recreate the very first episode. Of course, you all don’t know about that, but rest assured, I’ll be trying my very best to release all my other adventures to you wonderful youngsters.” Bobble walked from his living room into his kitchen, where six inklings and an octoling were tied up. “Now, kids, today I’m going to teach you all about cooking! Just call me chef Bobble!” He went to the cupboard and grabbed some cooking equipment. He placed a pot onto the stove and explained, “Now, to light a pot, your parents might tell you to just turn on the stove, or even use a lighter. But that’s just silly! You’ve got the power to light a stove inside your very own heart. Of course, if you don’t feel like using your heart, you can always borrow one from a buddy. After all, what’re friends for?” He reached into the chest of the leftmost inkling, pulling his heart out. “Did you know that hearts are actually flammable? It’s true! Even better, you kids have three hearts instead of those silly humans and their single hearts, so you’ve got even more fire to offer! Isn’t evolution wonderful?” He placed the heart under the pot, turning the stove on to ignite the flame. Hearing the inkling start to sob in pain, Bobble wagged his finger accusingly. “Now, now, nobody likes a crybaby. Here, I’ll show you something you can really get to tears over.” He moved on to the next inkling in the row, scooping his eyes out with a spoon and cutting his tongue out with a knife to interrupt his victim’s shrieks. “You know, this reminds me of one of my favorite fairy tales.” He held up the eyes and tongue, “Eye have no mouth and eye must scream!”, and tossed them into the pot. “Now, I know all you ankle-biters at home probably have some very ambitious goals in life.” Bobble started, grabbing a meat tenderizer out of a nearby drawer. “There’s only one thing I have to say to that:” He swung the tenderizer at the third inkling’s knee. “Break a leg!” He swung the tenderizer a few more times before ripping the inkling’s lower leg off, him screaming all the while. “Now, now, why don’t you try to get a leg up?” He asked, bonking his victim on the head with his own leg. “Now, this leg is a bit big for the pot, so we’ll just put it in the fridge for later.” Bobble explained, cutting the foot off with a steak knife and tossing it into the pot. “I’m sorry for all these puns. I know they must be hard to stomach!” He ripped the stomach out of the fourth inkling. “Because you inklings have no skeletal structure, that means your organs are much easier to reach. Isn’t that fun? I tell you, it’s much easier than humans and their silly ribcages. Though, ribcages sure do make good xylophones.” He reminisced, absentmindedly dropping the stomach into the pot before moving on to his fifth guest. “Now, don’t you start screaming like your friends. After all, you don’t want people to think you’re gutless, now do you?” He ripped out his intestines and started smacking their owner with them. “Ah, intestines. Is there anything these marvelous organs can’t do? You know, I remember in the first episode I used one of these as a jump rope.” He considered for a moment. “Oh, why not?” He moved into the living room and attempted to jump over the length of intestine, only to trip over it with his comically-sized clown shoes. “Ha-ha, just like last time. Classic! Anyway, now you just want to wipe off the intestine before cooking it.” He wiped the organ on its former owner and placed it into the pot. He approached the sixth inkling, saying, “Now, isn’t this some good education, everyone? After all, who doesn’t love hands-on learning?” He took the steak knife from earlier and chopped off the guy’s hands, slapping him with them. “Hey buddy, stop hitting yourself!” He laughed, tossing the hands into the pot. He looked in, realizing “Oh dear, it seems we don’t have enough room for our final guest. Oh well, I suppose we’ll just have to improvise. All we have to do is stir the ingredients in a boiling pot for 5 minutes, leave for 10 minutes, and let the dish cool for 2 minutes. Just follow these simple steps, and you’ll have a delicious meal all ready to go!” He turned to the seventh guest, the only octoling among the group. “Don’t worry though, I have some special plans for this one. Who knows, maybe she could help me with some future lessons. After all, who doesn’t love a good sidekick? Until next time, I’m Bobble the clown, wishing you all a Bobble-tastic day!”


End file.
